woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
false alarm, still single
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