you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
