The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
