just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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