he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
