just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
