I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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