It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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