I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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