I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
