You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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