my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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