he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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