That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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