my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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