meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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