Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
