Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You took a bar mat shot.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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