It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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