If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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