I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
