Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
