Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
