omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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