That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
