Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
