awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
