someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
