This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
