woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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