Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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