Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When are your genitals available?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
