I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
