so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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