Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
