i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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