I wish my penis had an off switch
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
