I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
