She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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