i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
