He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
