She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
