you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
