Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
