She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
