I am in a vortex of obligation.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
