i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
