i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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