i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
