Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
