so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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