I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
