is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
